There are a lot of times where parents become frustated and practically yell at their children. While kids of all age groups dislike excessive parental controls, the ones in their Troublesome Twos dislike it the most. It is understandable that you, as a parent want your kids to shape up as better individuals and thus, will go on to any length to correct them and instill a sense of goodness in them. While noble intentions are good enough, they need to be complemented with noble actions too. And that certainly involves staying away from tempers and anger.
There are a number of reasons why parents should never resort to anger and violence at their kids. They can be classified into two types, being the Child’s point of view and the Parent’s point of view.
The Child’s point of view
They don’t mean harm
Children are little ones who always crave love and affection. They are highly eager to learn new things and always are upto doing some thing or the other. When it comes to toddlers, they love to experiment and see whether they like what they do. And if they like it, they do it again and again, without a care for anything in the world. Mischief during this age is all about exploration and shouldn’t be dealt with harshly. Reason with your child and let him understand why doing a particluar thing is bad.
Obeyance is a new concept for toddlers
Yes, toddlers can eat, sleep, play and speak too. But they haven’t yet discovered the complete emotional side of themselves. They don’t know what it means to obey and they never will at this age. So don’t blindly impose restrictions on your kid, instead in a play way method explain to them why doing something is not in their best interest and they might most probably budge.
Do not advocate violence as a means of solving problems
There is a famous story of a toddler threatening everyone in his Pre School saying ‘I’ll Kill you.. I’ll beat you to death.’ The teachers were naturally appalled and called for his parents, when the mother sheepishly admitted that the father used these words while scolding the child. This is an example of how much influence the parents have on the child. Violence is never a solution to a problem so don’t encourage your kid to indulge in hitting or slapping people by doing it yourself.
Punish bad behavior suitably
Mistakes must never be pardoned and proper punishments must be given to the kid. Punishments like writing Sorry 100 times or offering help in certain household activities can be effectively used. In case you want the kid to be punished harshly, act as if you are eating something without giving it to the child or plan a trip without considering the kid and this will be punishment enough to make your kid miserable. There is no need to actually execute the plan as words work as well here.
Look to correct the behavior and not stop the action
You might screech and yell and hit your kids and manage to stop them from doing something wrong one time. But where is the guarantee that they will not repeat the act again? Thus, clear patience and understanding is the key. You must make them sit and explain in a polite, calm but firm tone that such behavior will not be tolerated again citing all the reasons in a no nonsense way.
The parents’ point of view
Kids are after all your flesh and blood and they might err here and there. That doesn’t mean you keep the incident in your mind forever. Learn to control your emotions and love your child for whatever he/she is. You can look to correct the child later. After all, you didn’t sire the child to spank him, right? Thus, sometimes, it is wise to stay chilled and let go. Try to understand their point of view and be loving and firm.
You end up listening to your kids’ side of the story
Staying calm will help you have a two sided discussion in which your kids would tell you what made them do whatever they did and you could provide them a detailed explanations and a strict tone will help in case you decide to keep the voice low. A two way communication will help you and your kids a lot more than a one way beratement would do. Thus, make your kids obey using loving and firm tones.
Generates positive vibes
Depending upon the general atmosphere of the house, the vibes can be classified as positive and negative. Positive vibrations involve happiness and cheer all around which help your child feel relaxed and secure. On the other hand, a lot of yelling and screaming would generate a negative vibe that would speak of despair, sadness and depression and would do your child more harm as he would develop into a negatively tuned prson. Thus, control your temper to build up a positive environment, at least in the former years.
It builds intimacy and love
Spanking will distance your kids from you on an emotional level. They will not trust you any more and will start neglecting you or even worse hating you. In case your kids do not love and respect you, there will be no more improvements on their side as they will simply stop listening to you. Also, many a times, parents are left aback when their toddlers slap them and resort to all kinds of violence. Hence, keep your temper at bay and build an atmosphere of trust and love where learning through experience is allowed and encouraged.
Relieves you of health problems
Almost all your health problems are a result of emotional imbalances that arise out of an inability to keep your temper in check. Blood pressure, heart attacks and lung diseases not to mention sugar problems and hypertensions are all somehow related to the mental well being of an individual. If you are not healthy enough, the first thing that you need to consider would b lowering your anger and staying calm. For your own good.
Thus, all forms of anger and violence in front of kids must be avoided and they should be provided a mentally and physically stimulating environment for them to grow and thrive on.